It was that time in my life when I would be in church as long as the church doors were open. I was waiting for my admission into the University and also waiting for ASSU strike at the time to be over. While waiting, I got very involved in church in Lagos. There was this brother (I’ll call him brother Y), we were in the same cell group and activity unit in church. That meant we got to see often as a result of our church activities. Frankly, he was to me that kind of friend that I didn’t think about the moment he was out of sight until whenever I saw him next. The strike was a long one, so I was in Lagos for six months just loving the Lord and serving in every way that I could. At the end of the six months, I headed back to school. Somehow I had to rush back to Lagos about a month later to get something for an upcoming wedding, and I ran into brother Y. With a sombre air, he told me there was something he wanted to say to me. Wondering what the talk was about, I listened. He then went straight to the point and said God had told him I was his wife. 😶 I was taken aback and I’m like, Really?? And he didn’t tell me he’d found me a husband? Well, those were my private thoughts. I didn’t voice that out. Anyway, because I didn’t just want to pop out my ready answer, I had to use the default response of “Let me pray about this.”
I got through with why I came to Lagos and headed back home to get set for school. The school began, and I got engrossed with all the settling into Uni activities and totally forgot about him. A couple of months later I received a letter from my department’s mailbox. Puzzled, I opened it, and it was from him. There were no mobile phones in my town at the time, so letter writing was the mode of communication. It was a long letter, an epistle stressing the message that God had said I was his wife and I had to respond fast and obey his voice. I didn’t write a response back but decided to speak with him in person at our forthcoming Camp Meeting in Lagos.
Now here was my position. This brother was a good person, he was passionate about his responsibilities in the house of God and loved God and did I mention that he was fine! We had been thrown together by church activities for 6 months, but then, my relationship with God was deeply personal. I was at a stage in my life where God would practically lay bare my life in the next five years before me. I knew where he was taking me. I had a loud and clear impression of where I wanted to be and who I wanted to be with. Of course, who I wanted to be with was subject to His word and not based on inconsequential things like he must have a baritone, sexy eyes and stuff like that. Who I was going to spend the rest of my life with was strongly tied to my life’s purpose and call. It was so clear that I didn’t have any palpitations of the heart. I didn’t get confused about my response to brother Y.
At the end of the camp meeting, I finally saw him, and my answer was a no. God hadn’t said anything of that sort to me and just as Bible says:
“The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.”
He also bears that witness in our spirits regarding every other crucial area of our lives and yes even the minor ones. If we are honest we will own up that regarding the steps we take in life, that witness is usually there. Sometimes we just plainly walk in denial of that prompting, but indeed, He always bears the witness with our spirits about issues concerning us. My other strong anchor scripture for my response was John 16:13
“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.”
The Holy Spirit will show you things to come. He will not leave you in the dark. He had not and did not tell me brother Y was my husband…Plus I was not attracted to him one tini tiny bit 🙈🙈. Do we have to attracted to each other?…Talk for another day.
Here’s my point: Dear sister, don’t be bullied into marriage with those lines “God said you are my wife.” Your earthly father will not plan your wedding secretly with your groom and not inform you until the wedding morning. How much more our heavenly Father who is gracious and kind. Build a relationship with God for yourself. Have an active closet where Abba shows you deep secrets such that when a man walks up to you to talk marriage, you are not thrown into confusion. God is not just some detached deity way up there. He is your father!
“The Spirit you received does not make you slaves so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him, we cry, “ Abba, Father.” Rom8:15
When you look at my back story before brother Y decided I was his wife, you will realise that he had most likely got fond of this sister that he had to see several times a week by virtue of us being in the same cell group and activity group and frankly he must have assumed I felt same way. To a single brother out there, when you realise you are drawn to a particular lady, do not use those lines as padding for your confidence. You will most likely be attracted to a decent Christian girl that you get to see often. Sort out your heart before God, ensure your feelings are not circumstantial and if they are not and you are sure this is God leading you, please, please don’t put it in her face that God said. That is like having God tell you that you will school at UniJos and next thing you are off to the Vice Chancellor of the said school and you tell him God said you will school there. You go to his office every day repeating the same message. You will most likely get arrested. What is expected of you at the point you realise that UniJos is where God wants you to be is to go prepare for jamb, write the exam and pass!
When it is God, it will be mutual! Many years ago as a teenager, I attended a youth meeting where the leader emphasised strongly that brothers should refrain from telling a sister “God said you are my wife.” He said once he has confirmed it in your heart, go and do the needful and that will be to strike up a friendship and let things progress naturally with the unforced rhythm of love to the altar.
There must be an alignment. You both must be in synch. The witness in your spirit must be mutual. If this is not the case, dear sister do not be pressured into a marriage that was not meant to be. Remember Amos 3:3 says clearly…
“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” NIV
Challenges come in marriage, and when they do, the oneness of your heart and a purpose that is intertwined will be a pillar for you both at that time. You will not be that woman who was trapped in a marriage where she will keep saying “if not that he said that God said…”
God is your father. You have full access to Him and until He speaks and says this is the way, walk in it, do not take that walk with that man to the altar.