“I can never marry a man who is not in my church. Never!”
Let’s look at what is wrong with that seeming innocent and passionate item on the Mr Right List.
When I was in my first year in Uni, I visited a brother who was in my fellowship. (Me that I like inspiration more than my life 🤦) …I assumed anyone who inspired me had to be on the same page with me. His single room apartment doubled as living room and bedroom…and kitchen extension. So I settled into the only chair that was in sight. After a few minutes, he was like,
“Ah why are you so uptight? Come and sit beside me on the bed.”
I declined and insisted that I was fine where I was. He threw back his head and laughed and he began to talk about how uptight I was, why I needed to lossen up. As he spoke, my balloon of regard for him popped. He went on and on about how I was too spiricoco. In other words, he was opposed to me having boundaries. The more he made light of a value I held high, the more air hissed out of that balloon.
Now we were not dating o. He wasn’t even asking me out or anything like that, there was nothing like that but sisters, I know you know what I mean…It just became clear where he stood. We were not on the same page. We didn’t share same values. If I could go by what he had just said, he would rather have me lying leisurely on his bed, flipping through a photo album, sipping a chilled drink and just being everything but a lady who had clear lines drawn.
Long story short, that was my first and last time there. I said all this to say this: This brother was in my church but was he the kind of man I wanted around me? No! What I desired was a man over whose life Jesus was truly Lord, one who submitted to Spiritual authority , who was full of the Holy ghost, who was not playing church, speaking in tongues and using the right ministry terms, phrases and expressions only when he had his waist coat, and tie on. I wanted one who walked the talk when he was at home in his work clothes and in the audience of one; Jesus. I certainly didn’t want one who didn’t respect my convictions where boundaries were concerned.
Dear darlings, here is what you want to say as you pen down that quality on your “spec” list: You want a man who is after God’s heart, who is loving, kind and truly loves Jesus with a life that proves it. With values that are in synch with the love for God that he professes.
This is what you should chase. Many have gone into marriages with a man who lies, beats them, cheats, beats them when they point it out, silences them with bank- account-shifting gifts after which he continues to treat them like crap and even disrespects their family. Still you go ahead just because he is in your church and because you must marry from your church you dig an early grave.
Let God legislate your choices. Lay them before Him. Strip yourself of fleshly standards so that you don’t spend your life walking past your God given spouse while chasing a criteria that was actually deeply fleshly but parading itself as a spiritual standard.
May you find wisdom and insight to only be with the man God wants you to be with.