In the early days of ministry, we had a male church staff but a few months after Kayla our first baby was born, he had to go to school so we needed another staff. In his place, a female staff was sent to take up his responsibilities. My heart did several double dives because I was excited right? Naa! All the stories I had heard about female staff came playing in HD before me (ermmm not very nice stories). Thoughts filled my head; thoughts like Aha, you are now in church ministry, shine your eyes, tighten your seat belt (and start a never-ending journey of losing sleep and peace over unfounded issues.)
Now my husband was not and is not one who gave me any reason to doubt his unflinching commitment to our marriage vows. He is God’s gift to me just the way I wanted it as far as high regard for our marriage vows was concerned but see how those gory tales began to try and outweigh all of that.
The thoughts of how some female secretary or staff shows up and disrupts a pastor’s happy home tugged at my heart. You know like they say, thoughts are like birds, they are free to hover above your head but it’s up to you to let them build a dynasty there or you shoo them away at their first flutter around you. Well, I didn’t shoo them away when they showed up. I actually let them perch a bit.
Our new staff came and that’s how I kept looking at her with corner eye (looking at her suspiciously). Little did I know God sent me an Angel in human form for this journey of mine. She was young and quite reserved but paid attention to her job and didn’t linger longer than her work demanded. Gradually, I opened up the front porch of my heart to her. Sister Peace was what I call a circumstantial introvert. She never said much in those early days but would quietly take charge of Kayla so I could be a part of the service. Some days Kayla would be strapped to her back while she attended to her job. God had sent me one of my first support system on my journey. Dirty dishes in my sink as far as Peace was concerned meant she had to wash them when she came to the house. Quietly she would go straight there and wash even when I didn’t ask. By the way, I didn’t know how to ask for help so I did things myself even when all of me screamed out for a break. She seemed to sense that and would just render the help she figured I needed.
Sis Peace with Kayla on Christmas day in 2010.😁😍
As I opened the living room doors of my heart, she opened up some more. That’s why I said she was a circumstantial introvert because today, 11 years later, I and Peace can gist for Africa when we get to see in person. I can’t even put into writing all she did through those years and even long after she was reassigned to another church.
Dear Pastor’s wife, don’t trample underfoot what God intended to be the answer to the prayer for help that you stormed Heaven with. I understand that one of the greatest worries that would come banging at your heart will be having ladies around the home and office of the pastor who happens to be your husband. Frankly, these are not totally baseless concerns because some have had sad tales from not being discerning. That’s why you can’t walk in mere worry. Discernment is what you need to cultivate. Worry will cripple you and will weigh you down. Discernment will equip you. Discernment will strengthen you and put you in charge. Don’t walk in assumptions, superstitions, unfounded suspicions or old wives tales, rather yield to the leading of the Spirit and you will not be embracing that which should be kept at bay and keeping at bay that which was sent as an answer.
Many homes have been torn apart by one baseless suspicion. To investigate and scrutinize every female who crosses your path takes away your personal peace and makes you miss out on relationships that would have otherwise been beautiful and productive. By all means, have sane boundaries. I had them and still have them. My husband’s meals were and are still made by me. Our bedroom was and is still cleaned by me. When Pastor was home, there was no such thing as “Pastor Sir I brought you lunch” or serving Pastor Sir in the house. Sister Peace was still fresh out of her teenage years at the time but she had such ancient wisdom. She seemed to know from the onset where the lines were and was a mighty blessing without being intrusive.
During the annual programmes we have as a ministry , how I spent most of my sessions was chasing about the active toddler that Kayla was becoming. I would yearn for my single days when I could sit undistracted in meetings and programmes. Peace would snatch out some free time from her official responsibilities to help out with Kayla so I could catch my breath and be a part of the programme like the Christian I was. She became my lifeline. Over the years, she became like an adopted daughter. She came into our lives when Kayla was months old. Years later, she’s still such a blessing.
Our connection has grown beyond her staff duties. It’s 10 years later and we can say she was handpicked by God as one of the earliest support systems we would be needing. Don’t miss the tribe God begins to build for you on this journey as Shepherd’s helpmeet because trust me, you really need one. This journey is not the kind you walk alone but the kind you walk with the right people. Ask God to cause you to be discerning enough to know who to open the doors to and who to shut them to. It was discernment that made Abraham entertain strangers; one singular step that hastened the manifestation of the promise of a child in his life. What we are called to do is deeply spiritual and sensitive. It’s the reason you must not simmer into playing church or the outward show of being a pastor’s wife. You must constantly be flat on your face before God to know when he says yay or nay.
SCRIPTURE TO PONDER
So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?”1 Kings 3:9 (NIV)
Little bride on your right is the same baby sis Peace was holding in picture above 😁
And there is so much more where that came from! Click link below to get the entire book Diary of a Shepherd’s Helpmeet.